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Made you Laugh!!!

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  • Made you Laugh!!!

    Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is. "Billy"

    "And what is your question, Billy?"

    "I have three questions:

    First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan; second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office; and third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

    Just then the bell rings for recess. Senator Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.


    "And what is your question, Steve?"

    "I have five questions.

    First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan; second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office; third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House; fourth - why did the bell ring 20 minutes early; and fifth - what happened to Billy?"
    (Q) What do you call a smart blonde?
    (A) A golden retriever.

    She married the day she graduated from high school and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children.

    Again, her husband died. Yet again she remarried, and this time had 5 more children. And alas, she finally died.

    Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the good Lord above, giving thanks for this loving woman who fulfilled the commandment to "go forth and multiply."

    At the end of his eulogy, the preacher said, "Thank you Lord, they are finally together."

    Leaning over to speak with a neighbor, one mourner quietly asked, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"

    The neighbor replied, "I think he means her legs
    A newspaper is a marvel, even a miracle. There are 1,730 of them published daily in the United States with a combined circulation of nearly 62 million. Limitless possibilities exist for error, human and mechanical. Add the crushing pressure of deadlines, and it's surprising there aren't more mistakes. When goofs pop off the page, editors scurry to print corrections, even though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version:

    * IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting
    enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the
    following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code"
    should have read "pull rip cord."

    * In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler
    Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error.

    * In criticizing the political views of Patrick Buchanan, William
    Bennett said, "It's a real us-and-them kind of thing," not, as we
    reported, "It's a real S&M kind of thing."

    * It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt
    Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

    * The sermon at the Presbyterian Church this coming Sunday will be
    "There Are No Sects in Heaven." The subject was incorrectly printed in
    yesterday's edition as "There is No Sex in Heaven."

    * There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated
    that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.

    * From a California bar association's newsletter: Correction -- the
    following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at
    12:15 p.m." Please correct to read "12 noon."

    * We apologize to our readers who received, through an unfortunate
    computer error, the chest measurements of members of the Female
    Wrestlers Association instead of the figures on the sales of soybeans to foreign countries.

    * In Frank Washburn's March column, Rebecca Varney was erroneously
    identified as a bookmaker. She is a typesetter.

    * There are two important corrections to the information in the update
    on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the
    program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is
    experiential, not experimental.

    * Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners'
    clothing is rent -- that is, torn -- not rented.

    * In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady
    was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another
    firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake.

    * Just to keep the record straight, it was the famous Whistler's Mother,
    not Hitler's, that was exhibited. There is nothing to be gained in
    trying to explain how this error occurred.

    * Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr.
    Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.

    * Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given by a
    battle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We obviously meant that
    the talk was given by a bottle-scarred hero.

    * Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on
    front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently
    left out the word "sheep."

    * In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number of
    jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern chicken
    salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.

    * The marriage of Miss Freda van Amburg and Willie Branton, which was
    announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.


    Some proposed greeting cards to cover situations that Hallmark doesn't:

    I always wanted To have someone to hold, Someone to love. After meeting you ...
    (inside card) I changed my mind.

    I must admit, You brought religion into my life
    (inside card) I never believed in Hell...Until I met you.

    As the days go by, I think how lucky I am
    (inside card) That you're not here... To ruin it for me.

    Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ...
    (inside card) Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

    Someday I hope to marry ... (inside card)
    Someone other than you.

    Happy birthday! You look great for your age
    (inside card) Almost lifelike!

    When we were together, You said you'd die for me.. .
    (inside card) Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

    We've been friends for a very long time...
    (inside card) What do you say we stop?

    I'm so miserable without you...
    (inside card) It's almost like you're still here.

    Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
    (inside card) Did you ever find out who the father was?

    You are such a good friend if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket ...
    (inside card) I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

    Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday. . . .
    (inside card) So we're having you put to sleep.

    Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
    (Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia).

    Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder ...
    (inside card) What was I thinking?

    Congratulations on your wedding day!. . .
    (inside card) Too bad no one likes your husband.

    How could two people as beautiful as you
    (inside card) Have such an ugly baby?


    A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:


    On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at have no legs!"

    The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

    She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

    Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

    She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"

    With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
    CCS AM #507
    Twilight Racing
    Special thanks to: Visionsports, Suomy Helmets, Learning Curves, Lockhart-Phillips, SliderPhoto, Spyder Leather Works, MotoSliders,SportBikeMike, Polar Optics LLC

  • #2

    can i go now
    i like visuals so here goes mine
    MY MODS:
    Ackrapovic Evo II full exhaust Head Work,Flowed injectors,Port /Polish exh and intake.cams,subframe,projector headlights,gap mod,Undertray,air/oil breather,pair valve removal,black frame Earth grounding mod . Dynojet PowercommanderII: (Custom Map by Orient Express):Galfer Wave Rotors Front & Rear: Pyramid Hugger:GSXR1k rear brake:A.T.R.E,Galfer Steel braided lines Front & Rear:TLS Cable Clutch Conversion:Woodcraft clipons:Vortex top triple clamp: DID Erv2 gold 520 conversion: Spocket Specialist Titan Tough Sprocket 17/41:GSXR tail: Nocut Frame Sliders:Air Tech Black Chrome Windscreen:LP Carbon Mirrors:Raised Tail 3/4" Ohlins Steering Damper:BRG 1/5 Throttle:GP Tech Fairing Bracket: Clear Alternative tail light:Black rims, ProTeck rearsets.gixxer 1k fender.Bitubo shock,custom projector headlights Race plastics and air tubes by AK composite 3/4 tail rasier custom made by TLDV8
    Going For 440 wet weight.136 +HP. 72 +TQ



    • #3
      SOLD! 2002 Suzuki TL1000R - Blue/White
      Two Brothers Exhaust - YAFMS Remap - Ohlins Rear Shock - FSMD Undertail - Rear Hugger - No-Cut Frame Sliders - Custom Airbrushed Solo Tail Cowl


      • #4
        Originally posted by oneeviltwin

        can i go now
        i like visuals so here goes mine
        Cant see anything!!
        The Weaver bird has little brain, it weaves about from lane to lane... that'd be me then...


        • #5
          good find kim
          i'm gonna keep those greeting card ones around, "just in case"



          • #6